Kids and scales - they just don't mix

Lately, the news has been filled with information to try and reduce the likelihood of 'our' kids becoming obese due to their sedentary lifestyles and eating habits. We're told to feed our kids piles of veggies, get them out moving and exercising daily and limit their 'screen' time to get them out interacting with 'real' kids. I am 100% on board with this promotion and try to incorporate healthy living for my clients and their children, but these sedentary fast-food eating children aren't the only ones to whom we need to pay attention. Children of 'thin-culture & diet-obsessed' parents need guidance too.

Approximately 5 years ago I completed my masters degree in developmental psychology studying the impact of obesity stigma on children and teens. While finishing my degree, the 9-year-old daughter of a professor I was working with was conducting an experiment at school. She wanted to measure the weight of the backpacks her classmates wore to school everyday, citing the weight of their homework as being bad for their posture. It was a great experiment and quite sophisticated for a girl of her age but as with all experiments, there was a research design flaw. To complete her study she would need to convince her grade 4 classmates to get onto a scale. It turned out that over 75% of the girls in her class refused to do so. A class full of 9 year old girls were already afraid of what number they would see on the scale - not because they were overweight, but because they have been taught that weight is something that is judged as 'good'/'bad' and is something to be ashamed of. Out of all the studies I read and completed throughout obtaining my masters degree, this one has stuck with me the longest and impacted me in the biggest way.

Now, working in the fitness industry, I don't often hear about this side of the coin; the kids who are bombarded with images of thin celebrities, their older sisters on diets and their parents forbidding certain foods in the house for 'being bad'. These are the kids who grow up afraid of the scale, counting calories by the time they hit grade 9 and have such disordered thoughts about eating that they have very little hope at developing a healthy relationship with food in their adult years. While we don't want to show kids that fast-food and couch-sitting all day is the way to health, neither is being so fully weight and size focused that we lose all sense of what is truly healthy from a whole-life perspective.

'We' as the adults, need to develop some sort of middle ground that teaches kids that daily choices impact their health, but that they don't have to hide behind walls of celery and size 2 jeans to get through life. Parents often underestimate the impact that they can have on their kids about body image at home from an early age. You are your childs' most constant model of behaviour, and the behaviour that you exhibit will speak volumes to them, whether they admit it or not. Here are some ways to model healthy relationships with food and help your children to see that eating doesn't have to mean choosing to either go to drive-thru after drive-thru and be destined to a life of obesity, or that they have to spend their life eating carrot sticks and lemon water while endlessly racing on the treadmill.

1) Mom complains about her body and tries to lose weight in unhealthy ways so I should too! It doesn't sound good does it? Don't underestimate the impact of how you talk about your body on your daughter (or son). The way you think about and manage your own body image and weight issues will be communicated to your children and impact the way they think about their own bodies. Some tips?

• Don't talk negatively about your own body. If your children hear you talking negatively about your body, they will feel like it is appropriate to feel the same way about theirs. If you do have weight to lose, rather than talking about needing to get 'thinner' reframe your words and try to use statements like, I want to get stronger/faster/better at a skill or healthier. Try to make it more than a thin/fat issue and make it about improving your health instead.
• Don't lose or gain weight dramatically and don't use fad diets. If you don't want your kids to lose weight by starving themselves or only eating grapefruits for weeks on end, then you can't either! Practice what you preach and model lifestyle behaviours that support healthy weight loss/maintenance.
• Model healthy exercise behaviours. Observing regular exercising habits by their parents is the best way to ensure that children will have a lifetime of physical fitness and activity.  Plus it's an activity you can do together - get out there and enjoy moving together.
• Don't talk about weight with your children. Often girls get ideas for what they should/shouldn't look like from their mothers. If she sees you weighing yourself often and talking about the pound or two you've lost or gained, that shifts the focus from being healthy to them wanting to obtain a specific number on the scale. Think before you speak - your children don't need to know how much you weigh. Before you tell them something about your body/weight think "how will knowing this information benefit my child" - if it won't, then keep it to yourself, tell your spouse or friend if you want to, but not your kids.   

2) No food is illegal - think back to when you were growing up. It was the things that were off-limits that were taboo - and made you want them even more! The same thing is true for foods that are 100% off limits - in some households I know sugar is banned. It can become the prohibited and 'taboo' substance. By no means does this imply that I'm saying kids should have a life filled of fast food and sugar, but by entirely prohibiting it, it because that 'unattainable' item and as we all know, we want what we can't have. These kids, more often than not wind up being the kids that every time they go outside the house, they gorge on fries because that's the only time they are available to them. They are the kids sneaking that extra piece of cake at every birthday because it's the ungraspable food. Take away the taboo - make so-called 'treat' foods something that can be had rarely and in moderation. By no means will they be regular dinner fare, but they also won't have the mystery appeal. 

3) Get them involved in the kitchen. Studies have shown that if kids are allowed to make some of their own food choices and they are given healthy options to choose from that they will make more nutritious choices (and even eat their lunch instead of throwing it out or trading it to a friend!) Make it part of the family routine for kids to make their own lunch the night before school - even if that just means packing their snacks - let them pick between a yogurt, some nuts, different kinds of fruit and a cheesestring. Chances are that if they pick the foods they eat they will be much more likely to eat it and make healthier choices in the future. Plus it gets them in a good habit of packing their lunch so as they get older, they will be more likely to keep it up!

4) Discourage dieting - In a recent study of high school aged children it was found that 60% of girls and 23% of boys have tried to lose weight. Those are scary numbers! Dieting leads to black and white thinking: good foods and bad foods, food is the enemy, and weight gain and loss throughout life that is very difficult to get out of. This is another time that modelling behaviour is important - rather than saying you are on a diet to your kids, try and show them that you are making healthier overall food choices and teach them how to do the same.

5) Beauty doesn't only mean a size 2 no matter what the media tries to tell us - and help your kids understand that. When you are watching tv with them and they see celebrities where the 'average' size is not synonymous with healthy, use that as an opportunity to open up conversation about what is healthy and realistic. Talk about how Hollywood shows one type of beauty but that many others exist. Point out those different types of beauty when you look in magazines or on tv. If you show appreciation for all types of healthy bodies, the chances are much more likely that your children will too.

6) Use your body and play in the 'gym of life' - just because exercise is good for maintaining weight, that shouldn't be the only reason that you do it! Find fun ways to incorporate movement and activity into days you spend with your family - go for walks, take the dog to the woods, go skating or toboganning. Show your kids that exercise doesn't have to be on a treadmill - it can feel more like play than work. The more they enjoy it, the more likely they will be to keep it up!